Wishful Thinking

6 AM again. Sleep is a stranger, and the city is starting to stir. Boats slide past my window like ghosts. I feel like the Phantom of Pier 45.

The echoes of past lovers whisper I love you in my mind, even as my eyes open to new ones, ones nothing like those before.

What a beautiful shade of blue.

I’ve always been partial to colors that ache.

How can I be sure now, when I was so certain then? Can I trust myself again, knowing the last version of love was a façade, even before God?

I have to own my faults, especially the one where I disappear when things get hard. I’d go back if I could—because when did I ever stop loving the past? I used to answer every call, crawl back to memory like it was a bed.

Then one day, I didn’t.

And now I’m lying beside you.

I look at your face and pray every worry in your head dissolves beneath my touch.

I drown in old movies, quote dead poets, live inside lyrics. I pretend I’m the lead in a romantic novel, close my eyes every night and wonder.

I picture the future, days, weeks, months, years from now.

Will you be in it?

Or will you become just another beautiful face I once adored but now pray I never see again?

It’s June. I’m happy.

And then I see you.

And I remember that some bonds don’t loosen with time, only deepen.

Asia~Blue

A Letter for the Reader

13th April 2024 (Finished June 1st)

West Village, New York

Song of the night – Let Me Down Easy by Max Frost